How I stopped hating my body.
AND how you can do it too.
Body acceptance sounds great in theory, until you’re standing in front of the mirror thinking, “How the hell am I supposed to get there when I can’t even look at myself?”
Since body acceptance is a big focus of my work, I wanted to share my story of how I got to body acceptance after spending most of my life HATING my body.
I was born and raised in Texas, from the ages of 24 - 29, I was going to at least seven weddings a year and my feeds were flooded with photos of very beautiful, VERY SKINNY brides.
So when my wedding rolled around at the ripe old age of 30, I understood the assignment. I had to be skinny for my wedding. Period.
Exactly three months before the big day, I had one last boozy brunch and then got serious. Six workouts per week, no carbs after 2pm, no sweets, no sauces, no alcohol. Just lean protein, vegetables and gritting my teeth to the finish line.
The crazy part? I thought I was being really chill about this because I was ONLY doing it for three months.
In those three months, 80% of my brainpower was devoted to the logistics of eating clean and fitting in workouts. I also had a full time job and was finalizing all of the wedding details.
I was SO EXHAUSTED by all the things I was keeping track of but I kept telling myself it was worth it because I was going to be soooo skinny on the day AND could cherish that version of myself forever in the photos.
At my final weigh-in the Tuesday before the wedding, I was devastated to discover that after all that work, I had only lost 9 lbs.
In the end, I had SO MUCH FUN at my wedding even if I wasn’t a bobblehead bride.
After the wedding, I was reflecting on the time and energy I spent on that diet and workout routine and one thought came to me very clearly.
THAT WAS NOT! WORTH! IT!
In that moment I knew, I was never going to diet again. (And I haven’t!)
I grew up as a ballet dancer in an environment where being thin was equated with being good, and the seriousness of both was high. Phrases like “instead of wearing a sweater to cover up, lose weight” were common.
I also grew up in family where some adults were constantly dieting, talking about “being bad” and needing to “make it up” at the gym. One adult in my family constantly spoke about his “accidents” with ice cream and cheese and still does to this day. (Men can subscribe to toxic diet culture too. I think that’s feminism somehow?)
And let’s not forget what fashion magazines looked like in the 90s and 2000s. The magazines I worshipped all told me that fashion was for thin people.
It’s actually a miracle I don’t have a more disordered relationship with food now that I’m saying all of this at once. I dabbled with trying to eat less but I truly just love food so much that it never worked. So I hated myself instead.
Ok so back to post-wedding reflection.
At first I thought all that work didn’t feel worth it because I only lost 9 lbs. But the more I thought about it, I realized that no amount of weight would make that much effort and stress worth it. Spending most of your brain power with the goal of getting smaller is not how I want to spend my one wild and precious life!
But then it dawned on me…does that means I’m just going to have to hate my body forever…??!??!
And this my dear readers, is where the body acceptance began.
Not because I was ready, but because I gave myself no other choice.
I am proud of how far I’ve come in accepting that my waist size does not mean anything more than my shoe size. (Most days anyway.)
Or as my brilliant client put it “My body is the shape it is. it's fine. Do I wish certain parts of my body looked different? Sure. But I'm not lying awake at night thinking about my hip-dips. It's more like, I don't love clingy skirts on me, moving on.”
Body acceptance isn’t about thinking your body is perfect. It’s about understanding that your body is how it is and it’s not worth spending your whole life trying to change it.
How To Actually Start Accepting Your Body
Therapy, journaling, meditation, etc etc etc - these are things that help but these are not my areas of expertise.
Here’s are some things that I know, both as a person who has done them all and having guided my clients through this, will help you make big strides away from hating your body and toward accepting it.
Accept that sizes are fake and release their hold on your self-worth. TL;DR: the globalization of manufacturing has made sizes more inconsistent than ever and you can no longer guarantee you’ll always be the same size so there is no point in holding onto “your size.” Go look in your closet, I guarantee you have a range of at least 4 sizes in there. Mine runs from a XS - L and my jeans alone run from 27-31. “Your size” is now defined as the size that fits you in any particular garment. That’s it! Don’t like the number on the tag? Cut it off! Its power over you is done. More here, here and here.
Audit your media intake. The more you see beautiful people who look nothing like you, the more you will think you’re not beautiful. The people and brands and influencers you follow and the shows and movies you watch affect what you think is “normal” and “beautiful.” Go through all the media you regularly consume and remove what makes you feel bad about yourself. Then, seek out creators and characters that look more like you and watch them. Bonus points for consuming media that shows all types of bodies being beautiful. The best source for that? Rupaul’s Drag Race. Every color, size, shape and gender expression is represented on that show and they are all STUNNING.
Get rid of the clothes that don’t fit you. Your pre-baby, pre-covid, pre-whatever jeans do not have the right to shame you. Life changes and our bodies changes and that is NORMAL. It’s the cycle of life. Remove everything from your closet that doesn’t fit you and watch how much easier and more pleasant getting dressed will become. More here, here and here (check out the caption!).
Once you start your body acceptance journey, other things in your life may become obvious as things that were feeding your body hate and you’ll want to let those go too. It could be people. If you can’t/don’t want to let go of those people, at least set boundaries with them.
Just like anything else, the more you do it, the easier and more natural it becomes.
If I did it (re: everything I said above), you can too.
If this resonated, send it to someone who needs to hear it. And if you want some help with your journey, I’m your girl.