Goodbye flattering, hello horizontal stripes.

Eliminate flattering from your vocabulary and watch your style get better.

If you follow me on Instagram, you know about my beef with the word “flattering.”

If you don’t, here’s the deal–

The word flattering is a dog whistle for valuing thinness above all else.

If someone says an outfit flatters you, what they really mean is that it makes you look thinner. Our mothers, aunts, grandmothers and other well-meaning boomers have taught us that flattering is the ultimate goal and complement.

(I will admit that occasionally flattering is used in reference to colors that look good on your skin/hair, but we’re not talking about that today.)

And of course, let’s not forget fashion media from the 90s and 2000s. Words like slimming, lengthening, elongating accompanied flattering in every fashion how-to.

So if you are, or were, obsessed with looking as small as possible in every outfit, know that it isn’t your fault.

BUT! that doesn’t mean you have to keep conforming to this nonsense.

It’s an outdated standard that keeps us playing small, both literally and figuratively. (See what I did there?) If your only goal is to be small, you’re not having BIG, CREATIVE, FUN ideas about your style.

Shifting your style goal from taking up less space to looking like the woman you aspire to be WILL change your life.

So, I’m challenging you to pick a new word.

Don’t get too specific, it’s not about a style - it’s more about a feeling. Words like powerful, feminine, attention-grabbing, quirky, bold come to mind.

When you pick a new word to aim for, one that reflects you, your style will transform for the better.

In addition to choosing a new word, I highly recommend deleting “flattering” from your vocabulary. I stopped saying or thinking it about 3 years ago (except to talk about how harmful it is!) and it has actually changed my brain. I never consider whether an outfit is flattering anymore.

When flattering isn’t even on your radar, hearing other people say it feels strange. You’ve devalued the concept of thinness as the ultimate beauty standard and it’s bizarre to realize others haven’t. (But be kind to them, they don’t know what you know!)

So what does this look like in practice?

Besides giving up the F-word, think about what other rules you follow that stem from it.

Let’s start with the classic – “Don’t wear horizontal stripes, they make you look wide.”

(Did you hear this in your mom’s voice? I did.)

This is probably the most well-known fashion rule. It’s the one I hear by far and away the most from clients. And guess what? IT’S NOT EVEN FUCKING TRUE!!!!

Science has proven this to be false, in fact the OPPOSITE is true!

“There is no evidence to support the widely held beliefs that horizontal stripes make the human form appear wider and that vertical strips have a slimming effect. All the evidence here points in the opposite direction.”

All this time, we’ve been depriving ourselves of the joy and whimsey of horizontal stripes for NO REASON?!?!!

While this is kind of beside the point because we don’t care about being wider or narrower anymore, I had to share this study. Join me in ending the proliferation of this fake news and send it to anyone who tries to lie to you about stripes.

Once you free yourself of these restrictions, that’s where the fun really begins.

For me, the two biggest discoveries after I banished flattering from my brain were horizontal stripes and wide pants. These are now staples in my wardrobe, you can often find me wearing at least one, if not both at once. I have at least 10 horizontal striped tops in my closet. In fact, I recently shared some of my favorites with New York Magazine. But I also have this one and it brings me so much joy.

Now that you’re setting yourself free from flattering, go try on all the things you thought you “weren’t allowed” to wear. Wonderful surprises await you.

One more quick thing!

I want to hear from you! I’ll be answering your questions in the chat. Reply to this email or start a thread in the chat with your burning questions about personal style, what to wear to a black tie beach casual wedding (dress codes are getting out of hand) or anything else sartorially-related that’s on your mind.